"If there is something that will prevent you from getting really far," he stopped for a second, thinking how to say it and than continued:
"it's your fear of talking in front of an audience".
It was several years ago and my team leader said it to me. We worked close and had the chance to get to know each other professionally. He felt comfortable to give me that criticism and I appreciated it. I pondered on his statement. I never thought about myself as having glossophobia. Is it true?
Blind spots are states, emotions, thoughts or feelings that we have no ability to see, feel or maybe even understand.
'It might be my blind spot' I thought to myself, trying to recall all actions and interactions I made around him to understand what could have made him think that.
Hmm... maybe its because I never asked to present my work and let him speak for me with management or clients. I just thought that he does it much better than I, and that he enjoys it. I didn't care about ego or getting attention.
Oh.. and the group meetings... I was pretty silent... although I was the most senior in the group. I always thought its because I have nothing important enough to say. But.. wait a minute, he is right... the group meetings are full of content and are necessary, how is that everyone else has something to say...? I never thought of them as speaking about unimportant issues. Why did I have nothing to say to them? It's because I would not wait for the group meetings, but rather say things one-on-one when relevant. Is this the real reason or is it just an excuse of the subconscious to hide from myself the fact that I have a problem talking to a crowd?
He wasn't the first one who noticed this characteristic of mine. One of my previous team leaders also implicitly tried to improve similar "problems" I had... I remember one argument when he told me
"There is no place for humbleness here!"
But how could it be??? I talked in front of dozens of students on a daily basis in the university, while teaching the most complex courses. I was also managing meetings as a project manager and also performed in piano concerts since I was a 3 years old. I can do it if I want to. I usually speak when I have something to say, without fear.
 |
| 22-year-old Natalie, I was teaching rehearsals before the exam for Algorithms course, all the students from the different groups arrived |
So what is it? perfectionism? low confidence? altruism? shyness? something else?
I started with Wikipedia... exploring all those concepts, trying to understand them deeply. Crawling through other psychology concepts. I got to the conclusion that I have all of them... and also none of them. I was confused, so I continued with my research. For the next days I read 3 psychology courses' material - Personality, Organizational-Psychology and Abnormality.
Then I got it, I'm an introvert.
Introversion:
In the basic definition introverts are people who
gain energy from being alone and lose energy in interaction with groups. They enjoy being alone, interaction could be easily overwhelming, some even described it as "
introvert hangover". Though, they may enjoy interactions with
close friends which they will choose carefully,
trust is usually an issue of significance. They are said to be good listeners, hate conflicts, and described by the environment as pleasant and quiet. Introverts
prefer one-on-one conversation over group activity. They would rather celebrate a birthday in a small band. Introverts will take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, playing music, using a computer etc. Artist/writer/scientist/engineer/composer/inventor is the archetype of a highly introverted person. Introverts prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and prefer not to talk about a task or job until it is completed. Introverts like to observe situations before they participate. They are more analytical before speaking and may
struggle with word retrieval though they can
express clarity of mind while writing and thus prefer to express themselves in writing.
There are different levels of introversion. Its a spectrum, and though I'm not at the extremity, that cluster of properties exactly describes me.
So, as I saw it, my quietness wasn't a matter of fear - but a default feature in my personality-type: While extroverts automatically-unconsciously think "Do I have a good reason not to speak?" introvert's
default is the opposite:
"Do I have a good reason to speak?"
Although introversion is not "
preventing from getting really far" (well... Einstein was an introvert... I also see living examples around me, like my father who founded and ran factories and serves as a community leader while being away from the spotlight), I decided to take my team leader's advice and to be more aware of it.
As an experiment, I tried to play like an extrovert.
I started with the group meetings - I forced myself to speak. I was
actively asking myself during the meetings
"What am I thinking right now? ... OK. Do I have a good reason not to say it?"
and it worked. I had a lot to share and it raised conversations and action items.
Then, whenever I had the opportunity to speak in front of an audience
- I said: YES, I'll do it!
I saw immediate implications for impact in the organization. I improved my visibility and doubled exponentially the number of people who knew me. I was invited to join interesting committees and many other doors opened.
It was a new world. All my life I have developed my technical skills and the recent happenings have been something else, like another dimension. Move laterally instead of in depth. I wanted to acquire more knowledge in this new area and thus took every course my work place suggested related to soft skills:
- Influential skills workshop - Itay Tsur
- How to impact by using "IBM Connection" efficiently - Shiri Kremer-Davidson
- Marketing and social media - Tomer Zuker
- Build your personal brand - Ana Gomez Lara; Know your strengths, build your elevator pitch in an impactful way, learn your network objective
- Building effective mentoring partnership - Ana Gomez Lara; Understand more about mentoring and the value it adds, the qualities of an effective mentor and mentee, how to establish and nurture a mentoring partnership
- Writing a script for a video pitch workshop - Fady Copty
- Writing papers course - Cindy Eisner and Orna Raz
This blog for example is a result of Shiri's advice.
Since then I made a growth spurt. I was being recognized for my achievements and accomplishments, started to lead people, became a project leader and promoted ideas - because - "
you could be great, your ideas could be genius, but if it stays only in your head, no one will know about them" (Cindy).
I was ready and all I needed was that the outside world will know it too.
Summing the four years of experiment:
The benefit:
Some of the things became part of me. I got positive reinforcement seeing the results: professional growth, the ability to make an impact, exposed/discovered new interesting opportunities. I no longer need to actively think about processes going inside my head and whether to speak or not**, its my nature now. New people who meet me today and hear that I used to be the quietest person in the room at a workplace, can't believe it.
The cost:
There are things that are still not part of me. I require a lot of preparations before 'extraversioning' and a long quiet time with myself after to clear my mind from the "high"/"introvert hangover". I don't know if its just a matter of more practice or whether it's just how I am programmed. It is time consuming -- precious time that could have been channeled into developing other skills. It keeps me away from things I like and am much better at. Additionally, it is difficult to isolate the exact factors that have led to successes and whether the obstacles are indeed worth it or can be given up. Lastly, new colleagues tend to get confused and think I am horizontal much more than I am deep, and suggest that I progress in the management track. How do I explain that I'm in the middle of an experiment and I haven't yet reached conclusions?
---
I like hearing\reading this:
TED talk about the power of introverts:
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts#t-117744
"Introvert revenge: The shy boy will show you who is king" (in Hebrew):
http://www.mako.co.il/home-family-kids/education/Article-8b46fdacdbf4631006.htm
and blog-posts about blind spots:
http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.co.il/2011/08/friday-fun-psychological-blind-spots.html
http://marthabeck.com/2011/11/seeing-your-emotional-blind-spots/
http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.com/2011/08/friday-fun-psychological-blind-spots.html
** Well, several weeks ago my supervisor told me '
people should know what you are working on'. I suspect it has to do with my introvert preference not to talk about a task or job until it is completed. So I still has blind spots and work to do...
