Translated from an article describing the prevalence of women in Israeli hi-tech:
http://www.themarker.com/st/c/prod/tm/2016/03/woman/timeline/4/
Sunday, May 21, 2017
From birth to a startup: Where do all the women disappear?
Translated from an article describing the prevalence of women in Israeli hi-tech:
http://www.themarker.com/st/c/prod/tm/2016/03/woman/timeline/4/
Thursday, May 4, 2017
The three usual suspects for unhappiness
The psychologist and psychiatrist Prof. Yoram Yovell wrote a book called Mindstorm (in Hebrew). This book describes real meetings with patients in his clinic. In the stories, Yovell shares his considerations with explanations and relevant background.
It starts with a story about a patient, a vice president of a big hi-tech company, that has everything - a good relationship, two lovely daughters, a nice house in a high-end area, an impressive career. But despite all of this, she was not happy and asked to consider medication treatment.
There are three main professional ways to treat this type of problem:
1. Psychoanalysis - Brings one to reveal his true meaning of life. Freeing himself.
2. Cognitive Behavioral - Detect and change problematic thoughts and behavioral patterns as an indirect way for changing internal feelings.
3. Medication treatment - Effective way of getting over mild masked depression.
Together, using psychoanalysis techniques they searched for the answer to the question - why isn't she happy - starting with:
The three usual suspects for unhappiness:
1. False self - Living a life that one does not truly believe in, pretending one is something else in order to satisfy the surrounding. The feeling of playing in a show. Hiding true desires, the true self. Sometimes not even being aware of this. The treatment in this situation is to reveal the truth to oneself and to the surrounding and to face the consequences (it might be hard and hurt). It's similar to a "coming out" situation.
2. Perfectionism - The striving for perfection. Life of excellence without rest. One that demands of himself naturally more than others. He does not need a "boss" to watch over his work -- he carries amongst himself the strictest supervisor that does not miss a thing and always demands more and more. Nothing is good enough. None of the accomplishments can change the negative thoughts. This kind of mentality motivates for more and more accomplishments to earn inner peace which never comes.
3. Guilty feelings - The feeling of being wrong. When one is judgmental or critical towards himself. e.g., "I'm not a good enough parent/husband/employee", "how can I have fun while he is suffering".
I guess it was not a coincidence that this character is a hi-tech worker.
Working in hi-tech is considered prestigous. Some might choose such a proffesion in order to satisfy the surrounding with money/power/respect. This is exactly false self. During the years, I have heard confessions from my colleagues junior/senior/developers/managers that they do not like what they do and wish to occupy themselves with something else.
In addition, hi-tech is also considered a demanding field. It seems to attract people with vulnerabilities for characteristics described above and fuels them. Perfectionists are often successful and in high demand. Such people are well compensated, appreciated and praised. This kind of success has a dark side - it serves the natural mechanism of positive reinforcement. The competitive environment contributes as well and being surrounded by perfectionists - make it harder and worsens. While one is used to being the best, once he enters this career path he is just a regular guy, and it is not always easy to accept the new status.
Regarding guilty feelings, when "being right" is quantified by capacity and not by office hours, when the acceptable working hours are "as much as you can", when the environment is competitive and stressing with goals and deadlines, when things are changing fast - one can always ask himself "Am I focused enough? Did I waste my time? Am I too distracted? Do I have to invest more time at work? Am I keeping up with my pace? Do I deserve this?".
Moreover, woman are even more vulnerable^ due to biological reasons (genetic tendency, fluctuating hormones) and also tend to bear the brunt of maintaining a home, bringing up children and/or caring for older relatives. These reasons cause work-family conflict stress to be more common.
On a personal note, there are times where I, too, deal with some of the aforementioned issues. Here are my tips which I have learnt over the years (some from life experience and some through others):
If you have any books\shows recommendations regarding psychology (one of my passions) I'll be happy to hear about them.
There are three main professional ways to treat this type of problem:
1. Psychoanalysis - Brings one to reveal his true meaning of life. Freeing himself.
2. Cognitive Behavioral - Detect and change problematic thoughts and behavioral patterns as an indirect way for changing internal feelings.
3. Medication treatment - Effective way of getting over mild masked depression.
Together, using psychoanalysis techniques they searched for the answer to the question - why isn't she happy - starting with:
The three usual suspects for unhappiness:
1. False self - Living a life that one does not truly believe in, pretending one is something else in order to satisfy the surrounding. The feeling of playing in a show. Hiding true desires, the true self. Sometimes not even being aware of this. The treatment in this situation is to reveal the truth to oneself and to the surrounding and to face the consequences (it might be hard and hurt). It's similar to a "coming out" situation.
2. Perfectionism - The striving for perfection. Life of excellence without rest. One that demands of himself naturally more than others. He does not need a "boss" to watch over his work -- he carries amongst himself the strictest supervisor that does not miss a thing and always demands more and more. Nothing is good enough. None of the accomplishments can change the negative thoughts. This kind of mentality motivates for more and more accomplishments to earn inner peace which never comes.
3. Guilty feelings - The feeling of being wrong. When one is judgmental or critical towards himself. e.g., "I'm not a good enough parent/husband/employee", "how can I have fun while he is suffering".
I guess it was not a coincidence that this character is a hi-tech worker.
Working in hi-tech is considered prestigous. Some might choose such a proffesion in order to satisfy the surrounding with money/power/respect. This is exactly false self. During the years, I have heard confessions from my colleagues junior/senior/developers/managers that they do not like what they do and wish to occupy themselves with something else.
In addition, hi-tech is also considered a demanding field. It seems to attract people with vulnerabilities for characteristics described above and fuels them. Perfectionists are often successful and in high demand. Such people are well compensated, appreciated and praised. This kind of success has a dark side - it serves the natural mechanism of positive reinforcement. The competitive environment contributes as well and being surrounded by perfectionists - make it harder and worsens. While one is used to being the best, once he enters this career path he is just a regular guy, and it is not always easy to accept the new status.
Regarding guilty feelings, when "being right" is quantified by capacity and not by office hours, when the acceptable working hours are "as much as you can", when the environment is competitive and stressing with goals and deadlines, when things are changing fast - one can always ask himself "Am I focused enough? Did I waste my time? Am I too distracted? Do I have to invest more time at work? Am I keeping up with my pace? Do I deserve this?".
Moreover, woman are even more vulnerable^ due to biological reasons (genetic tendency, fluctuating hormones) and also tend to bear the brunt of maintaining a home, bringing up children and/or caring for older relatives. These reasons cause work-family conflict stress to be more common.
On a personal note, there are times where I, too, deal with some of the aforementioned issues. Here are my tips which I have learnt over the years (some from life experience and some through others):
- Most of the time, problems fix themselves without any intervention. Let time pass and the wave will pass too.
- Using my constants - speaking with my family or friends outside my every-day environment. It helps getting back a sense of proportion.
- When unhappiness lasts more than 2-4 months - it's time for a change.
- Thinking big - supply-and-demand are clearly in favor of hi-tech workers. There are various roles in different domains and so many different companies with unique cultures that could be appropriate and balance out a vulnerabilty. I truly believe one can find a job he is satisfied with. The opportunity exists. It requires to actively look for a fit and a bit of patience.
- Be a good parent to myself - Instead of judging, I ask myself "how would I react/think if the situation happened to my child?"
- I try to concentrate on happiness and not on quantifying - Instead of asking myself "how good am I doing my job?" I try to ask "Am I enjoying doing this or not?"
- I am where I am because I want it the most.
If you have any books\shows recommendations regarding psychology (one of my passions) I'll be happy to hear about them.
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