The Double Empathy Problem; Student Supervisor Theory of Mind

English translation by ChatGPT below

על המושג "בעיית האמפתיה הכפולה" שמעתי לראשונה בכנס קהילה 2023 של המרכז הלאומי ע"ש עזריאלי לחקר אוטיזם ונוירו-התפתחות.

עמדתי שם ליד פוסטר של יונת רם ושותפים, הגעתי אליו כי זיהיתי את שמות אחד הכותבים, סימון ברון כהן, אחד החוקרים הוותיקים והגדולים בתחום שעבודותיו היו השראה במחקרי הקודמים כאתגרים לבחינת אינטלגנציה חברתית בבינה מלאכותית. בין העומדים התפתח דיון. במחקר אוטיזם מתמקדים הרבה במגבלות של אוטיסטים להבין אחרים ופתאום נשמעו קולות מהכיוון ההפוך - המגבלות של אחרים להבין אוטיסטים! "היום כבר מתחילים לדבר על בעיית האמפתיה הכפולה" - הא הא, סוף סוף המדע התקדם ומדבר על מה שהיה אינטואטיבי ומובן מאליו עבורי שנים.

מדוע לקח כל כך הרבה זמן להכיר בכיוון השני? 

אני תוהה אם יש קשר למידת הגיוון הנוירולוגי בין חוקרי התחום. מרבית החוקרים בפסיכולוגיה שהכרתי היו נראים לי נוירוטיפיקליים. באופן טבעי אנשים חוקרים את המציאות מנקודת מבטם והסביבה שלהם. אם אין מספיק נוכחות קולגיאלית של אנשים שחווים את העולם אחרת, נשארים עם נקודת מבט אחת.

אפשרות נוספת היא כי יותר קל להבין נוירוטיפיקלים, אוכלוסייה גדולה וסטטיסטית אחידה יותר.. חבר-פסיכולוג אמר לי פעם "ראית אוטיסט אחד ראית אוטיסט אחד" רצה לומר - על משקל התבנית "ראית אחד ראית את כולם" אז כאן לא, הפוך, כל אחד הוא עולם בפני עצמו, מתנהג אחרת, ראית אחד למדת על אחד וזהו.

---

Harmony

The translated (ChatGPT) post to English is below.

--- כשכתבתי את פרק התודות לדוקטורט, יש מורה שהשפיע עלי עמוקות שלא ציינתי. שכחתי לומר תודה כי מה שהוא לימד אותי לא היה חומר לימוד ולא למדתי אצלו במסגרת החינוך הפורמלי. עוד לפני מספר חודשים נזכרתי ברוני ובשיעור הכל כך משמעותי שהוא נתן לי לכל החיים (אספר על זה עוד מעט). אבל רק אתמול זה פתאום הכה בי, מה שלמדתי אצל רוני ולא יכולתי ללמוד בשום מקום אחר. משהו שאי אפשר לתאר במילים (אני אנסה, עוד מעט). משהו שעיצב את האופן שבו אני מתבוננת בעולם יום אחרי יום. משהו שמנהל אותי כבר עשרות שנים, בשנה-שנתיים האחרונות התחלתי לשים לב לזה ורק אתמול קלטתי.

קוראים למורה רוני צור. והוא היה המורה שלי לנגינה.

אספר כאן על שני השיעורים שלמדתי אצלו שהפכו אותי למי שאני. השיעור הגדול והשיעור האדיר.

על השיעור הגדול -

את רוני פגשתי לראשונה כשהייתי בכיתה ד. אחרי 4 שנים של הפסקה (מיוזמתי) מנגינה, בקשתי מאמא לחזור לנגן והיא לקחה אותי לבית ספר ימהה בדיזינגוף סנטר. רוני היה אחראי לעשות לי מבחן כניסה כדי לקבוע את הרמה שלי. מאחר שהיו לי כבר 3 שנות ניסיון בנגינה, הוא הציג לי את חוברת הקורס של שלב שלוש (STEP 3) ובקש ממני לנגן. לא הצלחתי לנגן כלום. לא זכרתי איך קוראים תווים. ידעתי פעם, לפני ההפסקה, ידעתי לקרוא תווים, אני זוכרת את זה. אבל כל הזכרון הזה נמחק. שכחתי הכל. (במאמר מוסגר, עד היום אני לא מצליחה לקרוא תווים, אני לא קוראת אותם, אני מחשבת אותם. הייתה לי את המיומנות, אני זוכרת איך הייתי מתבוננת בתווים מורכבים, באקורדים, ופשוט ידעתי מה המשמעות שלהם, ואיבדתי את זה. המיומנות נעלמה. "קטסטרופיק פורגטינג"). רוני ראה שאני לא מצליחה לנגן אז הוא פתח חוברת של קורס בסיסי יותר, שלב ראשון (STEP 1). גם כאן לא הצלחתי לנגן כלום כי לא הצלחתי לקרוא תווים. הפנו אותי להכנס לקבוצת המתחילים, כמו כל התלמידים שרק באו ללמוד בפעם הראשונה.

מה שקרה בקבוצת המתחילים, זה שהייתי יושבת בבית, מחשבת את התווים וכותבת בעברית בקטן מתחת לכל תו את השם שלו. מרגע שנטרלתי את בעיית קריאת התווים, הפכתי באחת למצטיינת הכיתה. הרי לנגן למדתי... ואת זה מסתבר לא שכחתי. אחרי כמה שיעורים כאלה הקפיצו אותי כיתה ואחרי עוד כמה שעורים כאלה בקשו להקפיץ אותי כיתה נוספת, הפעם לכיתה של רוני הכיתה של "המחוננים". אבל אני ידעתי שאני לא מחוננת, זה הכל היה טעות באבחון. אני לומדת בקצב נורמלי פשוט שלי היה כבר וותק של שלוש שנים בנגינה... ובגלל טעות (חוסר היכולת שלי לקרוא תווים) סיווגו אותי לרמת מתחילים. ישבתי לי בכיתת המחוננים עם התחושה שאני כאן בטעות ובלי ייסוריי מצפון. בגלל שקפצתי שתי כיתות, פיספסתי את השלב שבו מלמדים את התלמידים קואורדינציה שנקרא לה "כד קטן" (ככה באמת היינו קוראים לזה בחוג:) לעשות עם הרגל פם פם-פם כמו במשקל של השיר "כד קטן" ובמקביל עם יד שמאל רק פם-פם). כל פעם כשהיינו מגיעים לקטעי נגינה שדרשו "כד קטן", אני הייתי מדלגת בשקט. אבל בסוף רוני עלה על זה והתחיל לשים זכוכית מגדלת סביב העניין עד שבאחד השיעורים הייתה סצנה. רוני שאל למה אני לא מתאמנת על זה בבית ואני התחלתי לבכות כי ניסיתי, באמת שניסיתי וזה פשוט לא עבד. זה דרש קואורדינציה מורכבת מדי שהאמנתי שאין לי את היכולת, שהגוף לא מסוגל ללמוד. רוני אמר שאין כזה דבר, הוא הצמיד לי תלמידה אחרת מהכיתה ובקש ממנה שתפגש איתי מחוץ לשיעור ותלמד אותי עד שאני אצליח. זה היה קשה, ומייאש, לא האמנתי שאצליח, לא האמנתי שאני יכולה. ניסינו שוב ושוב ושוב. ושוב ושוב ושוב. זה לא עבד ולא ראיתי את האור בקצה המנהרה. אני לא יודעת כמה זמן "חפרנו" על המיומנות הקטנה הזו של "כד קטן" - שעה, שעתיים, שלוש, אולי יותר. אבל בסוף זה הצליח. וחוץ מהמיומנות להצליח לנגן "כד קטן" אני לא יכולה לתאר את תחושת המסוגלות - התחושה הזו שאין דבר שאני לא יכולה להשיג. הכח הזה שהשתמשתי בו אח"כ בכל פעם כשהתמודדתי עם האתגרים הכי קשים. "אף אחד לא מבין איך עובד אלגוריתם מציאת החציון? אין דבר כזה שאני לא יכולה להבין!" הייתי חופרת וחופרת וחופרת באיטרציות כמו אז כשלמדתי "כד קטן" עד שהייתי שוברת את זה. שום דבר לא עמד בפני. תודה על זה רוני... זה היה חתיכת שיעור לחיים.

ועכשיו לשיעור האדיר -

באמת שקשה לי לתאר במילים וגם התובנה הזו עדיין חדשה מאוד אצלי. אני אדבר בשפה קצת ציורית, אבל תאמינו לי שזה אדיר ושזה אמיתי. זה משהו שבאמת קורה במציאות ולא רק כמשל. מה שלמדתי בשנים שלמדתי נגינה, זה - הרמוניה. ההנאה מהאזנה לכמה מנגינות שמתנגנות בו זמנית ולכל אחת יש את הכבוד שלה בפני עצמה. כל מנגינה היא מעניינת ונעימה גם רק היא לבדה. אני יכולה להתאמן על יד ימין בנפרד ואח"כ להתאמן על יד שמאל בנפרד. ולכל אחת יש את הקול שלה והכח שלה, והיא עצמאית. ואז הן מתחברות ביחד ויש הרמוניה. וכשקבוצה מתאמנת לקונצרט יחד, לכל אחד יש תפקיד והוא עולם ומלואו, וכולם יחד מנגנים בהרמוניה.

אם אתם רוצים להבין מה זה הרמוניה, תאזינו לשיר של blure בשם the univers. תבחרו כלי אחד מבין כל הכלים ותתרכזו רק בו, ביופי שלו, בעדינות, ואח"כ תאזינו לו לצד כולם יחד, איך הכל משתלב. הלב... גם אצלכם הלב פועם ככה? הלב יוצא.

מה שהכה בי אתמול זה שכל החיים ובפרט במחקר, אני מנהלת בהרמוניה. הרמוניה זה כל כך הרבה דברים... זה לתזמן את חיי המשפחה עם חיי העבודה. כמו שני מקצבים שמתחברים יחד. המשיכה שלי למולטידיסיפלינריות, לשילוב של תחומי מחקר שונים, זו המשיכה ליצירת הרמוניות לחיבור של שני כלים, שתי מנגינות, שונות לגמריי וכשהן מנגנות יחד... זו הרמוניה.

אתמול כשסיימתי לכתוב מאמר (אפרסם בעוד כחודש-חודשיים) הסתכלתי על החיבורים בין הדיסיפלינות השונות שעשיתי והייתי מלאת סיפוק, היו שם כל כך הרבה כלים מכל כך הרבה דיסיפלינות, והן ניגנו יחד, בהרמוניה, זה ה blure שלי במחקר. תודה רוני על השיעור הגדול והשיעור האדיר.

When I wrote the acknowledgments section of my PhD, there was a teacher who had a profound impact on me whom I didn’t mention. I forgot to thank him because what he taught me wasn’t part of any curriculum, and I didn’t learn from him within the framework of formal education. A few months ago, I remembered Roni and the deeply meaningful lesson he gave me for life (I’ll share that soon). But it was only yesterday that it truly hit me—what I learned from Roni and couldn’t have learned anywhere else. Something that’s hard to put into words (but I’ll try, soon). Something that has shaped the way I see the world, day after day. Something that has guided me for decades. In the last year or two, I started noticing it, and just yesterday, I finally understood. His name is Roni Zur. And he was my music teacher. I want to share two lessons I learned from him that made me who I am today. The big lesson and the tremendous one. The Big Lesson – I first met Roni when I was in 4th grade. After a 4-year break (my choice) from playing music, I asked my mom to let me go back, and she took me to the Yamaha School at Dizengoff Center. Roni was responsible for giving me a placement test to determine my level. Since I had three years of experience, he handed me the Step 3 coursebook and asked me to play. I couldn’t play anything. I didn’t remember how to read music. I used to know how, before the break—I remember knowing how to read notes. But all of that memory was gone. I forgot everything. (Side note: To this day, I still can’t read notes—I don’t read them, I calculate them. I used to have the skill; I remember looking at complex scores and chords and just knowing what they meant. But I lost it. That skill vanished. Catastrophic forgetting.) Roni saw I couldn’t play, so he opened the Step 1 beginner book. Still, I couldn’t play anything because I couldn’t read the notes. I was placed in a beginner group, like students just starting to learn music for the first time. What happened in the beginner group was that I’d sit at home, calculate the notes, and write their names in small Hebrew letters underneath each note. Once I neutralized the problem of reading music, I suddenly became the top student in the class. I had learned to play, after all… and apparently, I hadn’t forgotten that part. After a few such lessons, they moved me up a class. After a few more, they suggested moving me up again—this time to Roni’s class, the “gifted” group. But I knew I wasn’t gifted—it was all a misdiagnosis. I was just learning at a normal pace, only I already had three years of experience playing. And because of a mistake (my inability to read music), they placed me in the beginner group. So there I was, sitting in the gifted class, feeling I was there by mistake—but without guilt. Because I skipped two levels, I missed the stage where students were taught a coordination exercise we called "Kad Katan" (like the rhythm of the Israeli children’s song Kad Katan). It involved tapping your foot in a steady beat (pam pam-pam), while your left hand played only pam-pam. Every time we got to a passage requiring “Kad Katan,” I would quietly skip it. Eventually, Roni caught on and started focusing in on it, until one lesson turned into a scene. Roni asked why I wasn’t practicing it at home. I burst into tears—because I was trying. I really tried, and it just wouldn’t work. It required a level of coordination that I believed I simply didn’t have, that my body was incapable of learning. Roni said, “There’s no such thing.” He paired me with another student from class and asked her to meet with me outside of lessons and teach me until I succeeded. It was hard. It was demoralizing. I didn’t believe I could do it. We tried again and again and again. And again and again and again. It didn’t work. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know how long we “dug” into that tiny “Kad Katan” skill—an hour, two, three, maybe more. But eventually, it worked. And beyond acquiring the skill to play “Kad Katan,” I can’t describe the feeling of capability—the feeling that there is nothing I can’t achieve. That power has carried me through the hardest challenges since. “Nobody understands how the median-finding algorithm works? There’s no such thing as something I can’t understand!” I would dig and dig and dig, through iterations—just like back then with “Kad Katan”—until I cracked it. Nothing stood in my way. Thank you for that, Roni… what a life lesson that was. And now, for the Tremendous Lesson – It’s truly hard to describe in words, and this realization is still very fresh for me. I’ll speak a little metaphorically—but believe me, it’s tremendous and it’s real. It’s something that really happens in the world, not just as a metaphor. What I learned during those years of music lessons was: harmony. The joy of listening to multiple melodies playing at once, each with its own dignity and presence. Each melody is interesting and beautiful on its own. I can practice just the right hand separately, then the left hand separately—each has its own voice and strength, and it’s independent. And then, they come together in harmony. And when a group practices for a concert together—each person has a part that is a world unto itself—and together, they create harmony. If you want to understand what harmony is, listen to the song The Universal by Blur. Choose one instrument among all the instruments and focus just on it—its beauty, its delicacy. And then listen again, this time with all of them together—how it all blends. The heart… does your heart beat like that too? It bursts. What hit me yesterday was that my entire life—especially in research—I operate in harmony. Harmony is so many things… it’s synchronizing family life with work life. Like two rhythms that connect. My pull toward multidisciplinarity, toward blending different fields of research—it’s my pull toward creating harmonies. The fusion of two instruments, two melodies, completely different—and when they play together… that’s harmony. Yesterday, when I finished writing a paper (to be published in about a month or two), I looked at the connections I had made between disciplines and felt immense satisfaction. There were so many instruments from so many domains—and they were playing together, in harmony. That was my Blur, in research. Thank you, Roni Zur, for the big lesson and the tremendous lesson.

Abortion, Dissociation & Development of Emotional Diversity Lexicons

Several years ago, during a time of professional prosperity, I participated in every opportunity that came my way to inspire young girls in the early stages of their careers (ages 12-30). I told them about myself and answered their questions. Mostly I was there to expose them to possible career options and say "if you'd like it too, it is possible".

I was in the 11th week of pregnancy when I came in for another day of work. That day high school girls came, and I volunteered to tell them what we were researching. It was after a difficult night, in which our little son was crying for many hours. When he finally fell asleep and I shut my eyes, I woke up from a bad dream about the pregnancy and did not fall asleep again until the morning.

I was standing that day on a stage in front of the school girls, presenting the Eyes-of-Watson. I felt that something was wrong. It was so weird. I usually loved to teach and mentor. Teaching fills me with joy and satisfaction. I am filled with energy when I teach. But at that moment those feelings did not ignite, but the opposite. It was as if a great darkness had fallen. I felt that my face could not smile. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I felt extremely sad and didn't know to tell exactly why. I kept asking myself "what is wrong with me?" And also "What am I doing here?". I felt a wave of mourning wash over me.

Two weeks later, in the 13th week of pregnancy, I had a routine pregnancy test. The doctor said: "I'm sorry...", to which I replied "I knew it. It happened two weeks ago, right?"

Indeed.

I left the doctor's room. I shed tears, than I cried and sobbed. After a few minutes I calmed down and went into the doctor's room again for him to explain what should be done next.

I searched the internet and read in professional forums regarding the various options. I read also in non-professional forums testimonies of women about the terrible suffering of waiting until the scraping and I had no idea what they were talking about.

I felt nothing. Nothing at all.

After the surgery,
I wanted to draw in panda colors, which requires the use of force,
and smearing, working with the hands, close to the material,
with bold colors, of red and blood
as if the body wanted to bring out aggression in a subtle way.

During my previous maternity leaves,
I painted colorful and abstract paintings with a brush.

For half a year after that, I suffered from the side effects of pregnancy without being pregnant. As if the body had not completely come to terms with it being over.

No one around me knew (not even my parents). We did not yet tell anyone of the pregnancy, so there was also no point in telling that it ended.

It was only after a few months that I told a close friend. While I was telling him, he told me, "You know, it's very strange. It seems that you went through something very difficult, while you tell it with such nonchalance."

It was the first time I had thought about how it is that women usually report abortion as a mentally and spiritually painful experience, while I did not feel anything.

~ * ~

In current research I am involved in, we examine the emotions expressed in text. One of the topics that came up in a brainstorming session was about “emotional disconnection”. For example, a patient might describe an experience using certain emotion words that are not consistent to the emotional state reported by him (like experiencing a painful event without feeling the negative emotion). That was the first time I wondered if I have ever experienced emotional dissociation. With respect to the abortion I went through, it is hard to tell. Inside, I had a feeling of full awareness and did not feel something is different or missing. But that might be an illusion or a blind spot, like a defense mechanism designed to protect me.

~ * ~

By the way, the emotional analysis of texts started two years ago, while I was leading psychology students in a research practicum, where students chose a topic and researched it. There were a couple of students that chose to review 'emotional diversity', which made me curious to learn more about it.

From Ong et al. (2018) paper -
differentiating between a patient with that experiences diverse emotions
 vs. a patient that lacks some of the emotional experience.  

In order to be able to explore emotional diversity from a text, one needs the ability to identify emotions in the texts. 

So in the following year, the practicum helped develop lexicons for various emotions, by suggesting and tagging emotion words for the different emotions.

We have also publicly released the lexicons and an accompanying software package for common use.

At the same time, we developed a software based on deep learning on Hebrew Twitter data (emotion-rich text) for predicting text-based emoji ("emotion faces").

"Are you happy?" (from Rita's song )

~ * ~

With respect to my doctoral studies, I completed my duties to the psychotherapy research lab. 

Tomorrow I start an internship at Amazon on the subject of humor. I hope the new research topic will bring feelings of humor and happiness!

The Corona and Me (2)

 

We are today at the end of the third lockdown in Israel. A lockdown that lasted six weeks in which parents are supposed to continue with the routine of their lives to work and function vigorously while simultaneously caring and educating their children.

We all grew up in a year. For my little daughter it's half her total life.

We learned to adapt to the situation.

The children learned to manage themselves. They developed the responsibility to get by on the zoom and to take care of food for themselves (they even once prepared for us!).

My husband and I found it more efficient and relaxed to divide the time by days of the week: 'Today I take care of the children, maintain the house and take care of meals for everyone and you work from morning to night and tomorrow the opposite' (unlike previous lockdowns that we tried to manage every day in shifts - 8 hours of work and  8 hours being with the kids - It was exhausting).

This time it was a lot less stressful (and even fun).

Writing code while the little one curls up on me and the third one practices with the ring-fit

The 30 Must Read Books/Authors

Recommended by a network of lovely friends (more than 50 people, mostly computer scientists) :

Books:

• Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984) / George Orwell
• The Fountainhead / Ayn Rand
• Ender's Game / Orson Scott Card
• The Time Traveler's Wife / Audrey Niffenegger
• Bobiverse / Dennis E. Taylor
• The Alchemist / Paulo Coelho
• The Catcher in the Rye / J. D. Salinger
• Catch-22 / Joseph Heller
• The Coincidence Makers / Yoav Blum
• Atlas Shrugged / Ayn Rand
• The Bronze Horseman / Paullina Simons
• The Kite Runner / Khaled Hosseini
• In the Woods / Tana French
• Fermat's Last Theorem / Simon Singh
• Dune / Frank Herbert
• The Glass Castle / Jeannette Walls
• Tuesdays with Morrie / Mitch Albom
• The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide / Douglas Adams
• To Say Nothing of the Dog / Connie Willis
• The Shadow of the Wind / Carlos Ruiz Zafón
• Nine Tomorrows / Isaac Asimov

Authors:

• Ayn Rand
• Connie Willis
• Yoav Blum
• Simon Lehna Singh
• Jo Nesbø
• Isaac Asimov
• Richard Feynman
• Douglas Adams
• Orson Scott Card
• Arthur C. Clarke

Only those voted at least twice are included in these lists.
More recommendation can be found here:
https://www.facebook.com/natalie.shapira.9/posts/10160022611249782

The Corona and Me (1)

All educational institutions, including nurseries, are canceled in Israel for two weeks now.

So, in addition to 100% of my research job and 100% of my husband's research job and 100% of our regular parenting job (6:00-8:00 and 16:00-21:30), we now have additional 100% job to replace the teachers and nannies 8:00-16:00. That is 400% work time as a family, 200% for each one of us. After all, in the 24 hours (reducing 7 hours of sleep and one hour of eating etc) there are only 16 hours, which is exactly 200%.

I hope you now understand why I don't have time to answer your phones, whatsapps or emails.

Good night.

Hacking the system: trying to work during my shift 

When an Introvert Opens her Mouth

"If there is something that will prevent you from getting really far," he stopped for a second, thinking how to say it and than continued: "it's your fear of talking in front of an audience".

It was several years ago and my team leader said it to me. We worked close and had the chance to get to know each other professionally. He felt comfortable to give me that criticism and I appreciated it. I pondered on his statement. I never thought about myself as having glossophobia. Is it true?

Blind spots are states, emotions, thoughts or feelings that we have no ability to see, feel or maybe even understand.
'It might be my blind spot' I thought to myself, trying to recall all actions and interactions I made around him to understand what could have made him think that.

Hmm... maybe its because I never asked to present my work and let him speak for me with management or clients. I just thought that he does it much better than I, and that he enjoys it. I didn't care about ego or getting attention.

Oh.. and the group meetings... I was pretty silent... although I was the most senior in the group. I always thought its because I have nothing important enough to say. But.. wait a minute, he is right... the group meetings are full of content and are necessary, how is that everyone else has something to say...? I never thought of them as speaking about unimportant issues. Why did I have nothing to say to them? It's because I would not wait for the group meetings, but rather say things one-on-one when relevant. Is this the real reason or is it just an excuse of the subconscious to hide from myself the fact that I have a problem talking to a crowd?

He wasn't the first one who noticed this characteristic of mine. One of my previous team leaders also implicitly tried to improve similar "problems" I had... I remember one argument when he told me "There is no place for humbleness here!" 

But how could it be??? I talked in front of dozens of students on a daily basis in the university, while teaching the most complex courses. I was also managing meetings as a project manager and also performed in piano concerts since I was a 3 years old. I can do it if I want to. I usually speak when I have something to say, without fear.

22-year-old Natalie, I was teaching rehearsals before the exam for Algorithms course, all the students from the different groups arrived

So what is it? perfectionism? low confidence? altruism? shyness? something else?
I started with Wikipedia... exploring all those concepts, trying to understand them deeply. Crawling through other psychology concepts. I got to the conclusion that I have all of them... and also none of them. I was confused, so I continued with my research. For the next days I read 3 psychology courses' material - Personality, Organizational-Psychology and Abnormality.

Then I got it, I'm an introvert.

Introversion:
In the basic definition introverts are people who gain energy from being alone and lose energy in interaction with groups. They enjoy being alone, interaction could be easily overwhelming, some even described it as "introvert hangover". Though, they may enjoy interactions with close friends which they will choose carefully, trust is usually an issue of significance. They are said to be good listeners, hate conflicts, and described by the environment as pleasant and quiet. Introverts prefer one-on-one conversation over group activity. They would rather celebrate a birthday in a small band. Introverts will take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, playing music, using a computer etc. Artist/writer/scientist/engineer/composer/inventor is the archetype of a highly introverted person. Introverts prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and prefer not to talk about a task or job until it is completed. Introverts like to observe situations before they participate. They are more analytical before speaking and may struggle with word retrieval though they can express clarity of mind while writing and thus prefer to express themselves in writing.

There are different levels of introversion. Its a spectrum, and though I'm not at the extremity, that cluster of properties exactly describes me.

So, as I saw it, my quietness wasn't a matter of fear - but a default feature in my personality-type: While extroverts automatically-unconsciously think "Do I have a good reason not to speak?" introvert's default is the opposite: "Do I have a good reason to speak?"

Although introversion is not "preventing from getting really far" (well... Einstein was an introvert... I also see living examples around me, like my father who founded and ran factories and serves as a community leader while being away from the spotlight), I decided to take my team leader's advice and to be more aware of it. As an experiment, I tried to play like an extrovert.

I started with the group meetings - I forced myself to speak. I was actively asking myself during the meetings "What am I thinking right now? ... OK. Do I have a good reason not to say it?"
and it worked. I had a lot to share and it raised conversations and action items.

Last week, presenting at the AI4HumanLanguage

Then, whenever I had the opportunity to speak in front of an audience
- I said: YES, I'll do it!
I saw immediate implications for impact in the organization. I improved my visibility and doubled exponentially the number of people who knew me. I was invited to join interesting committees and many other doors opened.

It was a new world. All my life I have developed my technical skills and the recent happenings have been something else, like another dimension. Move laterally instead of in depth. I wanted to acquire more knowledge in this new area and thus took every course my work place suggested related to soft skills:

• Influential skills workshop - Itay Tsur
• How to impact by using "IBM Connection" efficiently - Shiri Kremer-Davidson
• Marketing and social media - Tomer Zuker
• Build your personal brand - Ana Gomez Lara; Know your strengths, build your elevator pitch in an impactful way, learn your network objective
• Building effective mentoring partnership - Ana Gomez Lara; Understand more about mentoring and the value it adds, the qualities of an effective mentor and mentee, how to establish and nurture a mentoring partnership
• Writing a script for a video pitch workshop - Fady Copty
• Writing papers course - Cindy Eisner and Orna Raz

This blog for example is a result of Shiri's advice.

Since then I made a growth spurt. I was being recognized for my achievements and accomplishments, started to lead people, became a project leader and promoted ideas - because - "you could be great, your ideas could be genius, but if it stays only in your head, no one will know about them" (Cindy).
I was ready and all I needed was that the outside world will know it too.

Summing the four years of experiment:
The benefit:
Some of the things became part of me. I got positive reinforcement seeing the results: professional growth, the ability to make an impact, exposed/discovered new interesting opportunities. I no longer need to actively think about processes going inside my head and whether to speak or not**, its my nature now. New people who meet me today and hear that I used to be the quietest person in the room at a workplace, can't believe it.
The cost:
There are things that are still not part of me. I require a lot of preparations before 'extraversioning' and a long quiet time with myself after to clear my mind from the "high"/"introvert hangover". I don't know if its just a matter of more practice or whether it's just how I am programmed. It is time consuming -- precious time that could have been channeled into developing other skills. It keeps me away from things I like and am much better at. Additionally, it is difficult to isolate the exact factors that have led to successes and whether the obstacles are indeed worth it or can be given up. Lastly, new colleagues tend to get confused and think I am horizontal much more than I am deep, and suggest that I progress in the management track. How do I explain that I'm in the middle of an experiment and I haven't yet reached conclusions?

---

I like hearing\reading this:

TED talk about the power of introverts:
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts#t-117744

"Introvert revenge: The shy boy will show you who is king" (in Hebrew):
http://www.mako.co.il/home-family-kids/education/Article-8b46fdacdbf4631006.htm

and blog-posts about blind spots:
http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.co.il/2011/08/friday-fun-psychological-blind-spots.html
http://marthabeck.com/2011/11/seeing-your-emotional-blind-spots/
http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.com/2011/08/friday-fun-psychological-blind-spots.html


** Well, several weeks ago my supervisor told me 'people should know what you are working on'. I suspect it has to do with my introvert preference not to talk about a task or job until it is completed. So I still has blind spots and work to do...

How does a Startup (almost) Start Up? or - A Real Story From My Experience

February 2018
Two years ago,  I left the industry back to the academia to pursue a PhD combining clinical psychology and artificial intelligence. I was four months pregnant, not the best timing for a transition, surely not the best time to start thinking about a venture. Sometimes plans and reality conflict. 

The first PhD research goal was detecting a person's distress level from their language. Several months earlier I started collecting every piece of work regarding diagnosing mental state through text (see: my private space oddity). The work that caught my eye most was about methods for identifying posts in support communities that may indicate a risk of self-harm.

I was already thinking about what is waiting out there after finishing the PhD. 
I was both curious and worried:
In the functional level - What am I going to do next? Will I go back to the hi-tech industry? Will it be in a large corporation? Will I freelance, be a consultant or maybe start something of my own? (how does a startup start up?) I amused myself with the thought of  breaking down the statistics by being a woman-startup-founder (see: from birth to a startup where do all the women disappear).
In the content level - Will this PhD be used for something? for me? to the world? will my next job combine both of my interests - psychology and computer science?
In the global level - What will happen with the technology I'm researching? To date, psychological tools were reserved for psychologists. They went through a very long filtering process to become psychologists, have been undergoing long training, and are committed to ethics. Now, we are going to develop technology that may fall into the wrong hands -- hands that might take advantage of it.

I was actively looking for answers to my questions. I joined various industrial and entrepreneurial circles: forums, Facebook communities, meetups, conferences, work-spaces, Google for startups (see: a visit to the Google campus), the Israel innovation authority, and more. I looked for mentors that (1) succeeded with establishing a startup and reaching an exit (though, I must say that an "exit" isn't a goal of mine) (2) combined their academic PhD knowledge with their own business (3) combined parenting and entrepreneurship. I found a few who gave (and are still giving) helpful advice.
I also looked for interesting data outside the university. Data that could leverage the things I was researching and hopefully - a potential research collaboration, customer or a partner.
Since I care about the world, I was carefully choosing the connections I made. I was hoping to find a good worthy home for the technology of identifying people's mental state (so it would not be utilized in a manipulative manner). For example, for the judicial system or for helping people with disabilities etc.

While I was doing these things, I didn't think about it at all. I didn't feel like I was making a special effort. A mysterious force pushed me to do it and things just happened, on the move, in harmony, without restricting me or requiring me to give up on anything. These things happened when waiting for a doctor, while driving to university or back home, while watching my kids playing in the yard or in the evening after the kids went to bed and I would be left exhausted for anything else.
March 2018
The same mentioned mysterious power led me to join the amazing community called Yazamiyot (Women Entrepreneurs) and later on register to the first meeting. The event title was "A LEGACY OF INNOVATION" and included a talk on behalf of the Israel Innovation Authority (IIA). I didn't think twice whether to attend or not. I was interested in hearing about the funding options that IIA has to offer. The title of the event also sounded interesting as I like thinking of myself as innovative. Lastly, I wanted to meet managers from the industry face to face, hoping to find a potential match for the research I was working on and maybe make them interested in the idea.

April 2018
At the beginning of the event, the organizer suggested that everyone in turn will present themselves. I presented myself too. I listened carefully to each woman's pitch, running in my head all the questions I'm bringing along with me everywhere. The last participant to present herself was Zina (name changed for privacy). Zina is the CEO of a social media platform. When she said "... I employ three women to read all the uploaded texts in the platform in order to monitor distress ...", I thought "BINGO!!! if she is willing to pay for it - she will understand the value of automating it". The moment she sat down, I turned to her and whispered "We need to talk". She looked back at me and said "I know".

May 2018
I was visited Zina's office. Along with me I brought a stack of articles. We first had a 1x1 where I convinced Zina that automatic mental state detection from text is possible, by citing and summarizing article after article. When I finished, she gathered all the rest of the team, introduced me, and asked me to tell every one about the new idea. I re-summarized the articles' main ideas. They where astonished, amazed, couldn't believe what they just heard. It was a bit funny to see them shocked since I was reading those articles for several months and got used to the idea. Now it was my turn - "Show me the data".

July 2018
Nine months pregnant, already with labor contractions, I couldn't walk, I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't lay, I couldn't do anything besides thinking about the pains. But instead, I was sitting for several hours in a meeting with representative of the Israel Innovation Authority**. We were asking for a nominal fee (only a few hundred thousand shekels) to build a POC, explaining the motivation, the potential, and that we know how to and are able to do it.

August 2018 - August 2019
I was holding Michal. Somewhere around October, we were awarded the nominal fee. I was really excited to hear that. Choy (a fake name) started to implement the system according to the plan. I was with my eyes open, I knew I'm giving up the chance to be the CTO. What could I do? I had a little sweet lovely baby to care for. I did the best I could. All this time I was in the background - advising, teaching, mentoring, using my network to solve problems, attending (remotely) important meetings for patents, planning, strategy, etc. At the end of the year, while we were planning our tasks, preparing to submit another IIA application for the next year, I was crowned by Zina and Choy to be the Chief Science Officer (CSO) and just then, I realized, that actually, I didn't lost the chance to be the CTO but won role which I enjoy much more, that puts me in the position of my aspirations (see: what it means to be a researcher) and integrates in perfect harmony with my life and with the new team.

September 2019
Zina, Choy and I were sitting again for several hours in the meeting with a representative of the IIA. Now we asked for much more money. We had to go productize our POC.

October 2019 - January 2020
We have been waiting for the IIA response which was delayed to arrive (probably due to the unstable state of the government). During that time we were looking for "matching", i.e., an investor that would match the same amount of money we were asking for. We met an interested angel investor and started an evaluation process. We have also been looking for customers, and found some potential leads. We signed up for startup related activities such as accelerators, conferences and meetups. Eventually the IIA approved the entire budget (!) and we continued to look for matching.

February 2020
Unfortunately, our team had some disagreements which we could not overcome.

Closure
This is all fresh and I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'll have to take some time to digest, to learn the lesson and wait for a new passion to sprout.
Michal is one and half years old. She is walking, speaking and still nursing.
The PhD is also advancing, we submitted a paper to a psychotherapy journal and presented the work for several audiences (come to see us - WiDS 23.2.2020  SPR-Israel 26-27.2.2020 and AI4HumanLanguage 5.3.2020)
This year is devoted to researching language interactions. This is awesome, can't wait to see the fruits.

** If there is something that impresses me most in this two-year summary, it is the fact that I sat on a chair for several hours with labor pains. I don't know how I did it.

Soft Skills (2)

This is an amazing video. I encourage you to see it by yourself (direct link).
Anyway, here is an TL;DR:

"High-achieving groups were not those where they had one or two people with spectacularly high I.Q. Nor were the most successful groups the ones that had the highest aggregate I.Q. Instead, they had three characteristics, the really successful teams. 

First of all, they showed high degrees of social sensitivity to each other. This is measured by something called the Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test. It's broadly considered a test for empathy, and the groups that scored highly on this did better. 

Secondly, the successful groups gave roughly equal time to each other, so that no one voice dominated, but neither were there any passengers. 

And thirdly, the more successful groups had more women in them."

My Private Space Oddity

Yesterday Elon Musk sent a car towards Mars. See more details and pictures here:
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/feb/07/space-oddity-elon-musk-spacex-car-mars-falcon-heavy
One of the funny things planted in the car was David Bowie's song "Space Oddity" that's playing in loops (look and listen: Space Oddity nice clip). The original song was released several days before the first man landed on the moon. The song's lyrics were inspired by the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey and its melody by the same movie's song Also Sprach Zarathustra (📳🎶🎵🎶 my ringtone 💙💙💙)

Speaking of 2001: A Space Odyssey - besides envisioning what space travel would look like, it has many elements from Artificial Intelligence. More than 50 years ago, when computers could barely solve basic math, it envisioned a super computer (called HAL) speaking in natural language, playing chess with humans, reading lips, taking responsibility for unexpected missions and more...
See the next video, a scene where HAL is working up a psychology report:

Transcript from the video above - HAL (the sentient computer) in action, working on a psychology report

Deep Blue, IBM's chess-playing computer winning world champion on 1996

We are not there yet but we are definitely on track. Artificial Intelligence is competing against humans in the most complicated games (see also how AlphaGo won Lee Sedol). No one exactly programmed its moves. IT LEARNS.
In some sense, computers have basic "understanding". When we search for something in a search engine, we get good results.
The question is not whether but, WHEN will computers have a DEEP UNDERSTANDING of human beings and HOW we humans will give them that skill. WHAT will be the technology that will allow us to do that?
I see it as a real challenge that the whole world was waiting for, for many years.
Because I love challenges, I'm concentrating now on researching the Natural Language Processing domain and in particulate with Psychology data, wishing to teach computer to "read" people.
As in all research, no one knows what it will lead to, and for me that future is an intriguing oddity.

How does a Startup Start Up? or - A visit to the Google Campus

I already miss the action I had in the corporate life: meeting new people every day, hearing ideas, getting exposed to different industry roles, getting updated in the latest technology through firsthand stories, lunch with colleagues, sharing my thoughts and accessible opportunities for mentoring, volunteering and society contribution.
Fortunately, every Sunday and Wednesday Google dedicates its 34th floor in the Electra building in TLV (near Azrieli) for entrepreneurs. I thought about visiting in order to smell the aroma, to learn about the newborn startup first steps and maybe even find people to whom I can contribute my acquired knowledge and expertise and my network connections. I also hoped to meet an old friend (currently working at google) for lunch.
So I didn't need to think twice -- I was on my way to the Google Campus.

If you are planning to visit, I suggest you come with public transportation since the parking in Tel-Aviv is a rare commodity and quite expensive. I use the free-of-charge "Fast Lane" shuttle (the parking for the car is also free). It has a stop next to the Hashalom train station. Yes, getting by train is a good way too. The station is a two minute walk from the Google Offices.
Walking in the heart of the city in the rush hour is an energizing experience.





I sat there and was in an observing state. There were some young people with books. I guess they were students that came to study in a nice place (like in a public library). There were also freelancers/self-employed who came to enjoy the comfortable offices. Eventually I opened my laptop and worked on my things. Several minutes later an impressive-looking woman (let's call her ILW) sat next to me.
ILW: "Is it a 'work from Campus' day today?"
Me: "Yes, Actually this is my first time here. Do you come here often?"
ILW: "Yes"
Me: "What are you working on?"
ILW: "I'm founding a startup"
Me: "Really! And why here?"
ILW: "I'm sitting here with another co-founder"
Me: "What is your startup about?"
She told me about her startup, which sounded quite complex, not because of the technology but rather because it requires deep knowledge in high level management in industry.
Me: "How did you get this idea?"
ILW: "I was previously VP in a different company and had to do all these things on my own. Now I'm automating the process".
...
The atmosphere was very pleasant there, people were friendly and I even saw one demo.

At lunch time I was invited by my friend to join her in the Google restaurant, catching up on years we had no time to talk. Surprisingly we found out that one of her team members is a good friend of mine -- and that is how I found myself eating lunch with the Google-Waze team. I felt like I was hanging out with celebrities. So many times I would wonder who that engineer is that improves the ETA algorithm. When Waze perfectly predicts the time it should take me to get from one place to another, I think "that engineer did a good job!" On the other hand, when Waze mistakenly ignores the predictable traffic, I think "I'll have to talk to that engineer some day...." imagining him debugging and rewriting the algorithm. When one of the team members introduced himself to me as working on the ETA feature, I pointed out: "I can't believe you are the one who is responsible for the ETA algorithm!" and he immediately answered "I can't believe its me either!". They were a really nice group, it was fun having lunch with them.

A good pointer for beginners (Hebrew):
https://www.themarker.com/st/c/prod/tm/technation/startup/

Campus official web page:
https://www.campus.co/tel-aviv/en

Leaving IBM-Research

This week I'm leaving IBM-Research and moving on to my next chapter.
I joined IBM-Research at the age of 28 holding an M.Sc and with 3 years of experience in the industry.
I was already settled in my personal life - happily married with two children and living in a permanent home. IBM-Research gave me the present of feeling settled in my professional path as well by providing me the title of "Researcher" in a company that I admired for its rich past of innovation and values: professionalism, excellence, open-mindedness, diversity and many more... I was honored to be part of it. During this period my third child was born. Being a career-mother was not an easy task, and IBM was there for me by giving me total trust and flexibility in time and space allowing me to excel in both roles. I remember nights where I was holding my baby in one hand, nursing him, while programming and chatting with other colleagues with the other hand. Speaking in front of student girl visitors while carrying my baby with a carrier on me. This baby boy is celebrating 3 years exactly today.

I got a lot from IBM. Being involved with the most interesting and fascinating projects, the state of the art technology and non-stop innovation with a lot of responsibility.  Everything was moving fast to a large scale.  When a POC (proof of concept) developed by 2-3 researchers in our laboratories went well, the next quarter we had a customer and a fleet of developers to help us go through production process. Managing meetings with Chinese engineers in the mornings, Americans in the evenings and sometimes everyone together at noon (Israel is located in between). Working with the best experts inside IBM - Distinguished Engineers, Senior Technical Stuff Members, Architects, Product Managers, getting consultation from other research groups and colleagues researchers with different expertise etc...  and partners outside IBM - working directly with the CTOs and the CEOs. The next quarter we worked with data from more than 3000 stores all over the USA. Producing reports and analyzing data. Even with all this action we found time to write down some of our work as patents and for a research paper. I had the privilege to fly around the world and present our research.
And if I thought that I saw everything, I didn't know what was coming the following year...
When this research project came to an end, IBM gave me the opportunity to team up with a different group and acquire new skills. As I wanted to be involved more in "heavy" research projects, in high level algorithms, in AI domain and projects that make the world a better place - I joined an ambitious long-term exploratory grand challenge project, more than 40 researchers in Israel (many more overseas) working together fighting cancer by building the next generation of radiology assistance. I have worked with research experts in deep-learning, machine learning, computer-vision, NLP, data science, UX, reasoning, cloud platforms, medical doctors and more... to build a mega-POC (see also: Eyes of Watson).
I also had the honor of leading (as a secondary researcher) a major research project with a leading healthcare provider in Israel, handling medical files of thousands of patients.

It was a great pleasure working at IBM. I have had the chance to be part of three different research departments: Big-Data Analytics, Mobile & IOT and Health Informatics. It allowed me to get to know IBM-Research very well, to be exposed to hundreds of "startups" (since every research group is actually developing something new), to meet a lot of talented and brilliant people from which I have learnt a lot, to create friendships and mentoring relations - much of my success is thanks to them. I attended the best research and engineering courses. Visited interesting conferences. Was a member of the patent review board. Part of the ambassadors group. Represented IBM on stage in volunteering activities. Wrote on behalf of IBM and received a lot of respect just because I'm a researcher in the prestigious "IBM-Research" unit.

For me, the peak of all this fun was - participating in exploring the IBM-Next-Grand-Challenge.
I wrote a proposal, pouring all my passions, visions and beliefs into it. This proposal was chosen to represent Israel. It was unbelievable to me that IBM, a company of 400,000 employees, gives equal opportunity to each one of its researchers to design the future of the company and to have a real influence on the company's direction and as a result - the whole world's.

Next week I will join the new Data Science Institute at Bar-Ilan University as a PhD student, combining Computer-Science with Psychology, two of my passions. It is going to be fascinating!

Goodbye IBM. You have been good to me.

Soft Skills

I'm a strong believer in soft skills. Here is an article I just read and liked:
The surprising thing google learned about its employees and what it means for today's students

TL;DR:
Project Oxygen shocked everyone by concluding that, among the eight most important qualities of Google’s top employees, STEM expertise comes in dead last. The seven top characteristics of success at Google are all soft skills: being a good coach; communicating and listening well; possessing insights into others (including others different values and points of view); having empathy toward and being supportive of one’s colleagues; being a good critical thinker and problem solver; and being able to make connections across complex ideas. 

From birth to a startup: Where do all the women disappear?

Translated from an article describing the prevalence of women in Israeli hi-tech:
http://www.themarker.com/st/c/prod/tm/2016/03/woman/timeline/4/

The three usual suspects for unhappiness

The psychologist and psychiatrist Prof. Yoram Yovell  wrote a book called Mindstorm (in Hebrew). This book describes real meetings with patients in his clinic. In the stories, Yovell shares his considerations with explanations and relevant background.

It starts with a story about a patient, a vice president of a big hi-tech company, that has everything - a good relationship, two lovely daughters, a nice house in a high-end area, an impressive career. But despite all of this, she was not happy and asked to consider medication treatment.

There are three main professional ways to treat this type of problem:
1. Psychoanalysis - Brings one to reveal his true meaning of life. Freeing himself.
2. Cognitive Behavioral - Detect and change problematic thoughts and behavioral patterns as an indirect way for changing internal feelings.
3. Medication treatment - Effective way of getting over mild masked depression.

Together, using psychoanalysis techniques they searched for the answer to the question - why isn't she happy - starting with:
The three usual suspects for unhappiness:
1. False self - Living a life that one does not truly believe in, pretending one is something else in order to satisfy the surrounding. The feeling of playing in a show. Hiding true desires, the true self. Sometimes not even being aware of this. The treatment in this situation is to reveal the truth to oneself and to the surrounding and to face the consequences (it might be hard and hurt). It's similar to a "coming out" situation.
2. Perfectionism - The striving for perfection. Life of excellence without rest. One that demands of himself naturally more than others. He does not need a "boss" to watch over his work -- he carries amongst himself the strictest supervisor that does not miss a thing and always demands more and more. Nothing is good enough. None of the accomplishments can change the negative thoughts. This kind of mentality motivates for more and more accomplishments to earn inner peace which never comes.
3. Guilty feelings - The feeling of being wrong. When one is judgmental or critical towards himself. e.g., "I'm not a good enough parent/husband/employee", "how can I have fun while he is suffering".

I guess it was not a coincidence that this character is a hi-tech worker.
Working in hi-tech is considered prestigous. Some might choose such a proffesion in order to satisfy the surrounding with money/power/respect. This is exactly false self. During the years, I have heard confessions from my colleagues junior/senior/developers/managers that they do not like what they do and wish to occupy themselves with something else.
In addition, hi-tech is also considered a demanding field. It seems to attract people with vulnerabilities for characteristics described above and fuels them. Perfectionists are often successful and in high demand. Such people are well compensated, appreciated and praised. This kind of success has a dark side - it serves the natural mechanism of positive reinforcement. The competitive environment contributes as well and being surrounded by perfectionists - make it harder and worsens. While one is used to being the best, once he enters this career path he is just a regular guy, and it is not always easy to accept the new status.
Regarding guilty feelings, when "being right" is quantified by capacity and not by office hours, when the acceptable working hours are "as much as you can", when the environment is competitive and stressing with goals and deadlines, when things are changing fast - one can always ask himself "Am I focused enough? Did I waste my time? Am I too distracted? Do I have to invest more time at work? Am I keeping up with my pace? Do I deserve this?".
Moreover, woman are even more vulnerable^ due to biological reasons (genetic tendency, fluctuating hormones) and also tend to bear the brunt of maintaining a home, bringing up children and/or caring for older relatives. These reasons cause work-family conflict stress to be more common.

On a personal note, there are times where I, too, deal with some of the aforementioned issues. Here are my tips which I have learnt over the years (some from life experience and some through others):

• Most of the time, problems fix themselves without any intervention. Let time pass and the wave will pass too.
• Using my constants -  speaking with my family or friends outside my every-day environment. It helps getting back a sense of proportion.
• When unhappiness lasts more than 2-4 months - it's time for a change.
• Thinking big - supply-and-demand are clearly in favor of hi-tech workers. There are various roles in different domains and so many different companies with unique cultures that could be appropriate and balance out a vulnerabilty. I truly believe one can find a job he is satisfied with. The opportunity exists. It requires to actively look for a fit and a bit of patience.
• Be a good parent to myself - Instead of judging, I ask myself "how would I react/think if the situation happened to my child?"
• I try to concentrate on happiness and not on quantifying - Instead of asking myself "how good am I doing my job?" I try to ask "Am I enjoying doing this or not?"
• I am where I am because I want it the most.

If you have any books\shows recommendations regarding psychology (one of my passions) I'll be happy to hear about them.